THE CIRCLE VOICE

Humor

Satire and humor from The Circle Voice.

HUMOR

Scroop

BY SHAPIRO '26

HUMOR

HOW TO LIE ABOUT WHAT YOU DID THIS SUMMER: FOR DUMMIES

The dog-days are officially over. No more fun in the sun. No more sleeping. No more reading for fun. That’s right, we are back at it—but that doesn’t mean that the days of 90-degree heat are over, it’s just not called summer anymore. If you’re like me, the best thing you did this summer...

BY JESS SHAPIRO '26'

HUMOR

The Groton Ethicist

How many times is too many to order DoorDash during exam week? I’m exhausted after every exam, and decide to order Osawa (which pairs perfectly with some doom scrolling) as a reward to myself. But then I remember that I leave in four days, and should probably start packing. That takes so much energy that...

BY PETER ADOVASIO '27'

HUMOR

The Great Groton Exodus

*Disclaimer–not everything in this story is true October sixth, two thousand and twenty two–the day of The Great Groton Exodus. Remember the date. The grand schoolhouse sat stoic. The polished hallways untrod, the classrooms abandoned, the forum hauntingly quiet, and the library truly quiet for the first time since Groton’s conception. Wait, look! A lonely...

BY SOPHIA BAY, LUCAS LI '23

HUMOR

New Clubs Coming to the Circle!

Passive Minds: Show up to learn about mental health. Or not, whatever works. Meetings occur whenever good. Fracking Club: Calling all frackers! We want to bring passionate frackers together to spread awareness about the advantages of fracking, Outdated Events Club: Ever wanted to be just behind the current fads and world happenings? Outdated events club...

BY HUMOR EDITORS

HUMOR

The Groscars 2022

We are so excited to have you here for Groton’s 138th annual Groscars ceremony! Today we have some great nominees, all capable of taking home awards tonight. Stay Tuned for a special performance of Jerusalema by the second Form. While there were obviously high points this year, we do not want to forget the people...

BY HUMOR EDITORS

HUMOR

Crossword: Nicknames

BY ALLISON JIANG, WILL VRATTOS '23

HUMOR

The Duality of Man and Woman

As the years come and go, only a few things stay the same: Mr. Spring’s sarcasm, Mr. Creamer’s obsession with the NY Times Spelling Bee, Ms. Lincoln’s tenure on campus, and VI Form intimidation towards the rest of the school. However, there are always a few kind souls sprinkled within, so here is who...

BY ALLISON JIANG

HUMOR

Groton Families (Lookalikes)

BY ALLISON JIANG, GRIFFIN ELLIOTT '22

HUMOR

Scooter Thievery Crisis

Have you ever had something stolen from you? Perhaps food from the fridge or your laptop, maybe even your mode of transportation? If the plethora of all school emails we receive on a daily basis is any indication, our beloved circle has a major scooter theft problem. Despite scooter and skateboard owners only making up...

BY ALLISON JIANG, LUCAS LI '23

HUMOR

Do's and Don'ts for Incoming III Formers

DO sit in the raised seating section of the dining hall (the seniors love when you do this! 💕) DON’T feel scared to give a loud round of applause after a chapel talk you really enjoy DO fill out your Covid symptoms on SaferMe each and every single day DO NOT steal...

BY ALLISON JIANG, MAYA VARKEY '22

HUMOR

Worst Student Excuses

DISCLAIMER The statements which you are about to read are of varying degrees of believability and of altogether dubious authenticity. They may or may not have been invented for the sake of entertainment for the humor writers. Should the veracity of these anecdotes be called into question, The Circle Voice is hereby protected from all...

BY ALLISON JIANG, GRIFFIN ELLIOTT '22

HUMOR

Highlights of Spring Term

As the term comes to an end, we wanted to look back on some of the highlights that made Groton’s COVID Spring term so special. In no particular order, here are some of our favorite memories since the beginning of April: Wet Knees and eye infections from the nash 2 girls (fainting), 1 vaccine The...

BY TYLER WEISBERG, AIDAN ARMALY '22, YEABSIRA GUGSSA '22, GRIFFIN ELLIOTT '22, AND MAYA VARKEY '22